Friday, January 29, 2010

Colder Than My Heart...

Welp, it’s officially miserably cold here in the city again. The past few days have managed to be just warm enough to offer a hint that Spring is just around the corner- and by just I mean a couple of long, grueling, frigid months away. Yesterday as I indulged in a manicure and brow wax downtown, I was pleasantly surprised to find I hardly needed my wool coat, and instead could manage fairly well in my jumper/blazer combo (don’t judge, it was cute- and revolved entirely around the previous days $25 lunch hour find). However, I found myself experiencing a bit of hesitation when it came to forgoing the coat- after all it was January 28- the dead of DC winter, and I did not want to push my luck.

Evidently many other women around town had no issue doing so, and for that reason I am holding them directly responsible for the fact that it is miserably cold today and will continue to be for the foreseeable future. I am saddling the blame on two ladies in particular, both of which I had the pleasure of passing en route to my beautification sesh.

Guilty Party #1: The Hippie Chick
Dear lord- whoever let this lady off her commune, please come back and claim her. I had the joy of walking behind the Hippie Chick, providing myself a safe distance in which to assess the absurd ensemble she was sporting. The first item I took offense to (and of which I am certain angered the Gods just as much- thus causing them to unleash tundra like conditions upon the Metro area) was her tiered peasant skirt. This bothered me not just because it is entirely inappropriate office wear, but also because it was WHITE. STARK WHITE. A stark white, tiered peasant skirt? Perhaps frolicking in a field somewhere in June…but strolling the streets of DC in January? No. Seasonally, age, and locationally inappropriate ma’m. To top it off (literally), this lady’s locks mimicked the tiers of the skirt, though in the case of her hair, the divisions amongst tiers was not bright white satin ribbon. Instead, each layer was distinguished by a different color of hair-dye. The bottom was a reddish brown, above that more of an ash, the third (and most perplexing) was a grayish color, before ending in a shock of blonde at her roots. I can only imagine that this hair style further angered the aforementioned Gods, and this lady is not only responsible for the chilly temps but also the impending snow. Way to go.

Guilty Party #2: The Mystic Maiden
Alright, so back in ninth grade I was the proud owner of a pair of black Steve Madden slides. They were basically like an inch and half high platform with a stretchy black band over the top and open toes, of which I made good use displaying my hot pink toe nails and their accompanying floral design. They were cool, and by extension I like to think that I was too. However, like many a trend, this one fell out of favor before the end of sophomore year and I retired the look. Unfortunately, my new friend the Mystic Maiden kept them around long enough to break them out yesterday and sport them along with a pair of black leggings. A look that exposed just enough of her ankle to display the obvious remnants of a poor quality Mystic Tan (someone clearly did not watch the instructional video…). There was so much wrong with this picture that I had to pause to take it all in…and to type a note in my Blackberry reminding me of this sighting. Open toed SANDALS in JANUARY. Why was this even a consideration when she was getting dressed this morning?! My assumption is that she was blinded by the fact that her skin was the unnatural color of Cheet-o’s, thus preventing her from seeing the major faux pas she was committing, nonetheless, I am appalled and absolutely not excusing this behavior. Hopefully she wore those same slides today, and the cold of the air will reach her toes and shock her into realizing her circa summer 2001 shoe choice brought this upon the rest of the city.

Let this be a lesson…


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