Tuesday, October 20, 2009


I do my best to squeeze a workout in before heading to the office...even hiring on a personal trainer to assist me in my quest to be hott (fyi- almost a year in, and still no where near said goal). On the laziest days, I exert myself only as much as it takes to plug my headphones in and watch The Today Show whilst meandering along the treadmill belt. On more rigorous days, I employ a range of both cardio and resistance training. And though I am pretty sure I don't know how to do the latter part of this coupling correctly, there are plenty of people sweating alongside me (ew.) that are even more clueless...or just plain weird. In the past ten months I've observed these folks and their bizarre gym behavior, making mental notes of their absurdity, creating little nicknames for them and generally wondering what precisely is going through their minds. Allow me to introduce you the cast of characters I share my mornings with:

"Blue": unfortunately Blue isn't quite a regular, however it's a rare treat when this silver fox strides into the gym. No, its not a handsome physique or dazzling smile that catches my eye, rather its the fact that he's roughly eighty-two and his choice of gym attire is a maroon wrestling singlet. Perhaps he's a pro in the retirement home wrestling circuit, or is yearning for his glory days when he won states in 1802, however I still find his workout getup to be entirely inappropriate for his age, and for public consumption.

"Walter and the Future Mrs. Mitty": For those of you unfamiliar with the tale of Walter Mitty, its a lovely story about a husband and his ridiculously overbearing and somewhat controlling wife. This same relationship is expertly displayed each morning by a doughy-looking gentleman (Walter) and his pint-sized, super-fit fiance, aka The Future Mrs. Mitty (FMM). Clip board in hand, she leads him through a barrage of stretching, cardio and weights, all of which he completes with an utter lack of enthusiasm or skill. Hence, no change in the aforementioned doughy physique. During the routine, FMM is either working out alongside Walter, completing each task with absolute intensity or standing next to him, barking orders and making attempts to correct his form as he half-heartedly struggles through whatever task she's assigned. I'm pretty sure this dynamic is not limited strictly to the gym floor, and instead I'm fairly confident FMM wears the pants in all aspects of the relationship.

These is just a smattering of the gems I have the privilege of working out with...more to come.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Maybe its Menopause?

Whoever is in charge of regulating the temperature of my office building is doing a terrible job. Within the five day work week it is possible for employees to suffer both frostbite and heat exhaustion. Luckily I have control on the temperature inside my actual office, keeping it the exact appropriate temperature to accommodate my fall work wardrobe. That way, regardless of if the temperature in the corridors is either sweat inducing or absolutely frigid, I know that I can retreat into my own little bit of climate-controlled heaven.

My boss, however, does not seem to grasp that I am aware of my office temperature...it is unclear if she is ignorant of the fact that I possess control over this or if my suspicions are true and that as a Communications Director she just sucks at communicating. Yesterday, when the rest of the building was swelteringly hot, my office was a cool respite of bliss. My boss popped her head in- as shes prone to doing at inopportune times (read: when I am facebooking, blogging, shopping, homeworking...), though instead of tasking me with something absurd or inquiring about the status of a project I had updated her on an hour before, she simply stated "It's cool in here," followed immediately by an awkward smile. I politely nodded yes, to which she inquired "You like it cool?" I could not justify this with an answer so I just stared at her. Seriously, I am so confused. Is this an attempt at small talk? Does she not notice its roughly two hundred and twelve degrees in the rest of the office and that the simple task of making a copy produced more sweat than my morning workout did? I could've dismissed this episode, except that the same thing transpired earlier today.

Rather than face the heat I endured yesterday, I walked into the building today to find it so cold I could practically see my breath. Shivering in my pencil skirt and short-sleeve, mock-turtle top, I was grateful for the comfort of my office, which was decidedly warm by comparison. Again, my boss pops her head in (literally...she seriously just sticks her face inside, supporting the rest of her body against the wall beside the door jamb), pauses, then astutely comments "It's warm in here," followed by the same awkward smile. I respond as I did yesterday, with a polite head nod. "You like it warm?" Seriously- its the same temperature it was yesterday. Not a smidge warmer or cooler. So no, I do not like it cool, nor do I like it warm, if you're curious about how I like my office, in general I prefer it when YOU'RE not in it.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Random Rant

Perched on the corner of my desk is a little pink desk calendar, delightfully entitled The Cupcake Calendar...admittedly I am an ardent fan of cupcakes, the confection itself (when done right- ie: correct frosting to cake ratio, proper cake density, and adorably appetizing appearance) is sheer bliss. For the a large portion of the past 273 days The Cupcake Calendar has been right on in providing me with a delectable dose of cupcakery each day. And although there have been some questionable suggestions (lavendar and honey cupcakes...? where does one even purchase lavendar?), nothing comes close to the absurdity that it the October 1 entry. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you EGGPLANT CAVIAR MUFFINS.

Seriously, there is so much about this that I take issue with-
1. A muffin is NOT a cupcake. The Cupcake Calendar should strictly adhere to the conditions implied by their title, this should be a cupcakes-only publication if you ask me.
2. Caviar is not an ingredient that should be included in baked goods, period.
3. Seriously what the heck?
4. I'm going to vom.

I am both disturbed and dismayed...and more than a little bit disappointed with The Cupcake Calendar. To avoid a similarly heart-wrenching episode in 2010, perhaps I should opt for A Year of Train Trivia, or 365 Nascar Facts or something equally off-putting and socially awkward thus keeping unwanted coworker visits to a minimum?

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